Dream Big. Act Tiny.

November 23, 2012 by Leave a Comment

We believe that big change comes from big dreams, backed by a series of tiny, purposeful actions. Success doesn’t come by accident. A small shift now can yield tremendous results later. So if you want your life to be significantly better in the future, here are a few tiny things you can implement now to shape your tomorrow. Pick just one thing and master it before selecting another to master. Then pop in and let us know how you are doing….and growing, on purpose.

  • Start your day with 5 minutes of private thank you’s, by way of prayer, meditation, writing, or thoughts. Do this before you get out of bed (you hit snooze anyway). Do not let your mind wonder to what you need to do that day. Focus only on your thank you’s.
  • Make a public thank you, or acknowledgement, to someone every day. Make it a “Thank you” for the role they play in your life, or how they help you grow in your work, or how they go out of their way for you, or how they care for your children,…etc. Bonus points if other, third parties can witness the thank you.
  • Select one person who’s behavior is bothering you, and start with compassion for them. If they are “annoying” you, or you caught them (or yourself) gossiping, or they are being “mean,” or they let you down, or disappointed you… focus on how you can be a shining light for them, even when they do not make it easy. Often their behavior is rooted in pain you are unaware of, so have compassion for their pain over anger over their behavior. You need not be a best friend, but you DO have control over the meaning you attach to what they on their own do or don’t do. Dis-connect in a loving way, if need be.
  • Forgive someone. Then let go. Really. (You know who that is.)
  • Say no. This makes room for what truly matters.
  • Smile. Research shows that even a forced smile increases dopamine levels, and can alleviate stress and bring on happy feelings. And of course, then, the smile becomes easy.
  • Break a sweat. Research shows that fit people are more productive.
  • Replace TV time with meaningful conversations with loved ones, or meaningful work that generates cash.
  • Eat more veggies.
  • Drink more water. No soda.
  • Spread love by growing your own humility. Seek ways to give back.

Working in this space reminded us of a great interview we did a while back with InspireMeToday’s founder, Gail Lynne Goodwin. She has an incredible story to share, and it brings to light just how much tiny actions can grow into huge impacts on the lives of so many. Click here to listen to what she shared (free), and be inspired for your own big dreams, by acting tiny.

Filed Under: Personal Development Series, World Tour of Success

Why Self Doubt May Be A Key to Your Success

November 6, 2012 by Leave a Comment

You might have figured out by now that we are two of the least “woo-woo” motivational experts around. We love to inspire and motivate you, but you’ll rarely catch us using fluffy words like “manifest” or “Source” or “consciousness” –unless its tied to research or a study of relevance. That is, in our work with you, we want you to understand that motivation is nice…but motivation with science-based-strategies is what really gets you results. So even when we are telling you “stories,” the lessons and take-aways are most often tied to research and/or experiences that are proven. We may not cite it or give you the abstract on a facebook post or tweet, but you get the point.

For this reason, one of our favorite experts in our industry is Daniel Pink. You should follow him and his great work. One of the recent studies he talks about in his Flip manifesto, poses the question: Does positive self-talk make one more successful? And further, does  interrogative self-talk hinder one’s success?  That is, is it more valuable to say, “I can do it!” (positive affirmation)…or instead to wonder, “I wonder if I can do it?” (interrogative)

Researchers at The University of Illinois and The University of Southern Mississippi found what most motivational experts would find backwards! Out the door with positive affirmations, and in with powerful wonderment. The subjects in the studies who made interrogative statements of wonder prior to solving sets of problems where far more likely to be successful in solving them than those who made positive self proclamations prior to attempting the same problems. Time and time again, this was the case.

Clearly, asking the question “Will I…?” was an acknowledgement that the goal had not been attained yet, and certain things would have to take place in order to get where one wanted to be eventually.They weren’t there yet. It also creates a space that invites more thorough questioning about concepts, goals, and paths than anyone who just assumes it might as well be done because “I said it was done.”

In our own conversations, we discussed the value of wondering “Will I..” and further, “What if…” and also “What do I not know yet…” There are a few things we can tell you. First, the questions are always valuable. Keep asking. For the rest, we put together a quick (Non-giant-webinar-sized) video for you: The Top 7 Things You Should Never Do….if You Actually Want to Be Happy and Successful.  Its free and you should take notes.  Its not an exhaustive list, but it is based on strategies that we know yield results for you. Watch free here:

Filed Under: Aly and Andrea: Mentoring Women in Business, Personal Development Series, Self Improvement Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

The List About You.

October 16, 2012 by 1 Comment
We have a critical message for you today.  It will take you 60 seconds to read it.  Don’t say there’s not enough time.  For you or someone else (share it), this message will be life-changing.
 

A few truths we’d like to remind you of:

Asking to get paid when you’ve earned it is not “greedy”.

Resting when your body needs it is not “lazy”.

Making mistakes is not “dumb”.

Being afraid is not “chicken”.

Being proud of yourself is not “arrogant”.

Sharing your natural gifts and talents doesn’t make you “self-centered”.

Having money doesn’t make you “selfish”.

Lacking money doesn’t make you “worthless”.

Being bigger than a size 2 is not “too big”.

Being smaller than a size 4 is not “too small”.

Trusting someone isn’t “gullible”.

Not trusting someone isn’t “jaded”.

Eating chocolate cake isn’t “careless”.

Eating a salad isn’t “vain”.

Being different isn’t “aloof”.

Blending in isn’t “boring”.

Chasing your dreams isn’t “aggressive”.

Sharing your opinions isn’t “bossy”.

Having a disability isn’t “incapable”.

Being good at something isn’t “lucky”.

Having a strong work ethic isn’t “single-minded”.

Struggling with adversity isn’t “weak”.

Being optimistic isn’t “unrealistic”.

Wanting to love is not “foolish”.

Wanting to be loved is not “selfish”.

And being “you” is always better than being what “everyone” else says you are. You were deemed “priceless” the moment you were created, and nobody on this planet has the authority to take that away.  Sometimes it is hard to see that when we’re in the middle of the storm where the world tells us who they think we are.  But if you’re reading these words, let the winds calm for a few minutes to hear the list above.  And if you can’t hear that yet, at least hear this:

You are absolutely (without hesitation, without doubt, without condition) created for and WORTHY of being LOVED.

 

Thank you for being you.

Here’s to your Visionary Life,
 

Filed Under: Aly and Andrea: Mentoring Women in Business, Personal Development Series, Self Improvement, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

On Being Joyful

October 3, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Well, you knew we couldn’t have yesterday’s post, “On Being Sad,” without having today’s post: On Being Joyful. That’s because when “Sad” happens, it is in large part as a consequence of our circumstances. Something has occurred, or some one has behaved in a way that perhaps brought sadness. But when Joy happens, it is because we emit it from within…and shine it outward.

Yesterday, we shared with you why we were sad. Today, we’re sharing with you why joy always overcomes, and some exercises to nudge it along. First, joy overcomes our sadness not because its easy, but because it is hard. And that difficulty is what gives us the measuring stick to help us:

  • Have compassion for others who are experiencing their own challenges
  • Laser-in on all the good around us (look around-there are miracles all over the place and you may be missing them)
  • Have gratitude for all the crappiness. Yes, it shapes us far more than our victories.
  • Become more resilient and accepting.

See, overcoming sadness to let our joy shine again is what we as humans are naturally wired to do. Even when circumstances feel so heavy and near impossible to overcome, God created us to innately get back to good. We are not created for bad things- we are created for incredibly good things.  And while our paths will certainly not be easy, they are all worthwhile. Our paths, even when slippery and muddy, are all intended to help us get to exactly where we are supposed to be. Wherever you are on your path right now, albeit next to a perilous cliff or a green pasture, that is exactly where you are supposed to be….for now. So if you are on one of the “sad” areas of your path, know that you are never alone. Even when it feels like it, which is most of the time. We know. If you are still having trouble figuring out how you can ever be happy again, here are a few tips:

Enlist a friend, family member, mentor, coach, or faith leader to walk with you. While there are some exceptions, this generally needs to be someone you already knew and trusted prior to your current challenge and they need to meet 2 criteria: First, they must have your best interests in mind- not their own. Secondly, they must have the wisdom to help you and hold you accountable, if needed. Remember, they need to fit BOTH criteria because wisdom without your best interest in mind can make you susceptible to being taken advantage of. On the other hand, someone may love you deeply, but if they lack the necessary knowledge to help you, you are open to loving but bad advice. See why you need both?

Take 10 minutes. Set a timer. Write without stopping every memory, every movie line, every joke, every situation that you can remember from your earliest days to present–that made you laugh. Think about all the super-happy-LOL moments that you’ve had, even if everything you write down seems like decades ago. Go where you have the most laughing moments, without any judgement of whether or not its still funny to you. If you laughed then and it came up in this exercise, write it down. After your time is up, re-read. Soak it up. Feel what that physical smile does to you, even if you had to force it to begin with. Your laughter is contagious, and so is your smile.

If you are still wondering how to kickstart that joy that overflows out of you, try this laughter Skype laughter chain. Watch the entire video and see just how contagious a good laugh is.

There’s much more to share with you in the coming days, or within our coaching programs. Until then, here’s to reaching deep into our sadness and saying thank you for that challenge….but you’ve shaped me enough for now. I’ll put you away in a little box for now because I have to open up this much bigger box now…its called Joy.

Here’s to your Visionary Life,

Filed Under: Personal Development Series, Self Improvement, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

On Being Sad

October 2, 2012 by 1 Comment

The funeral was Friday. Perhaps you read our last post, so you knew it was coming. We knew it was coming, too, after a 15 month battle with cancer…but it was still beyond painful. Our dearest friend of nearly 30 years is gone. He was 39 and leaves behind a 16 year old son and a 9 year old daughter. My husband was a pallbearer and I spoke at the funeral–perhaps the most difficult 10 minute talk I’ll ever give.  There is no other word to describe what its been like around here. Its just Sad. We are sad. The circumstance is sad. The story is sad. Everything about it is sad.

And that’s ok.

We are being sad around here. But we are not going to stay here. No one gets to tell us its “going to be ok” or “at least he is in a better place.” Of course it is, and absolutely he is. But it still doesn’t make any of this easier on Earth. If you are sad today, or know someone who is, share these steps in moving past loss and sadness.  So here’s what we do (may it serve you, too):

1. We FEEL sad. We don’t stuff it, try to go around it, or try to put a happy face on.

2. We let go of what everyone else thinks we should do to “get over it.”

3. We checked out of the checklist for a while. Facebook, Twitter and the office didn’t collapse in the wake of taking last week off.

4. Despite our sadness, we still make it ok to laugh. Its the best therapy.

5. We hug a lot. We pray a lot.

6. We ignore everyone’s timeline, but stay purposeful about moving forward on our own.

7. Still, we enlist loving, compassionate people in our lives who will hold us accountable so we don’t get stuck.

8. Lastly, we help lift others out of their own sadness.

And that’s the point. To eventually come out of our sadness. To eventually watch the rain turn to sunshine and watch the flowers bloom. When I spoke at Chris’s funeral, most of it was to honor his gift of making all of us laugh. He had an innate ability to spread joy and laughter wherever he was- even while he was in the hospital. It was standing room only that day, a true testament to how many loved him and the impact he made on so many. The entire room laughed for at least half the service because we all had such great memories of Chris making us laugh. Wherever our craziest adventures were, or our most hilarious comedies, he was right in the middle of them.

I know he was thrilled to see us from Heaven at his funeral- proud of how many showed up to honor him, and glad to see us all laugh. Through this, he is teaching us. He is teaching us how to have the right perspective on everything in our lives. It forces us to feel things and experience things that are no fun sometimes. But it always, always gives way to great perspective and appreciation for the miracles and gifts around us each day.

So if you are feeling sad today, know that you are not alone and it’s allowed. But don’t stay there. Beyond that sadness–moreover, through that sadness, is a great celebration for life. You’ll need to look for it. You’ll need to go after it. And we know right now, that seems impossible. But its not. Even if its too painful to take baby steps right now, just know its okay to crawl. That is how you will one day learn (or re-learn) to walk. And then, to run.

Let it out. Tomorrow, we’re talking about Joy. Its just around the corner…. see you there. ;)

 

Filed Under: Personal Development Series, Self Improvement Tagged With: , , , , , ,

It’s Not About Your Circumstances, Already!

September 17, 2012 by Leave a Comment

I’m not waiting for the circumstances to get better. I’m simply using them as stepping stones through rough water. See, the break in our blog posts lately have not been without reason. On the trail of Andrea’s journey with her prosthetic eye, this week has set off yet another series of journeys.

  • I’ve spent the last 14 months watching my best friend from high school bravely fight cancer, which has now spread from his kidney to his spine and  this week, to his lungs.
  • Our dad had surgery three days ago for prostate cancer.
  • A week ago, my (Aly’s) high school sweetheart husband  had a BBQ pit accident and literally caught of fire, burning him from the waist up.
  • Today, our son is home with fever and strep throat.

Awesome for one week, right? The truth is, these are just crappy facts. Circumstances. Parts of the story.

The other truth is, these parts of the story are the parts where we get a choice. We get a choice to focus (or cry) about the circumstances, or we get to take advantage of the opportunity to let them shift our perspective to a better place. I don’t share a bullet list of the latest challenges to be a downer, or to compare them to yours. I’ll use them to teach what I’m talking about. See, we all have a story. And yes, we all have the choice.

Here are a few examples of how I CHOSE to allow my joy to be independent of my circumstances. It’s about how you look at it:

1. Chris, our best buddy fighting terminal cancer, is still making us laugh each day from his hospital bed at MD Anderson. For more than 25 years, we have laughed like this. Our choice is to dwell on the inevitable of what is to come, or to cherish all these years of laughter and memories together.

MY CHOICE: While the sadness of the circumstance feels almost unbearable, I will not give his cancer (or the end result of it) the authority to take away the blessing he has been in our lives. What a gift.

2. Our Dad’s cancer surgery this week…

MY CHOICE: With complete gratitude for the doctors who caught his cancer early, I thank God each moment for medical technology, skillful doctors, financial ability to have surgery, and for many more years ahead with our cherished Dad and G-Dad.

3. My husband is so hot, he caught on fire! I have to joke about this one because it has been truly unbelievable, and painful. I looked outside last Sunday and literally saw my husband flying into the pool… on fire! Like a movie, complete with a trail of fire behind him.

MY CHOICE:  Thank God for that semester in college that I hated, when I had to do wound care and burn care at Brackenridge Hospital. Who knew?!  And thank God for the pool he had to jump into. And thank God he did not lose any vision or hearing with this explosion. Thank God it didn’t burn his lungs. Thank God he is alive! And, he will heal in time.  Let this be a lesson for everyone reading…do not ever stand amongst flammable vapor with flammable liquid with flame nearby. Bad idea. Maybe this message will save someone.

4. Little dude has 102 fever and strep throat.

MY CHOICE: Thank God we have a little dude to worry about. And antibiotics. Good to go in no time.

YOUR CHOICE EVERYDAY:  Apply these lessons to your personal obstacles. With all your challenges, don’t forget you have a choice. It’s a choice to free your joy and remember it is 100% independent of your circumstances. It does NOT mean you will not grieve, struggle, or have pain. You will. If you didn’t, that would mean you didn’t care. And I know you do. So move through your circumstances and don’t be afraid to feel what you feel. No one gets to tell you what to feel. But even when you are struggling, remember to shine your light. Even when the circumstance dampens happiness, the joy comes from within and shines outward. In your personal life and in your career, own that choice, and that sunshine!

Filed Under: Personal Development Series, Self Improvement, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Ricki Lake Show is Back: Talk About Community!

July 31, 2012 by Leave a Comment

 Can you spot the goofball with her silly face on? That’s Aly. Right next to the one with the sweet smile? That’s Andrea. And all of these awesome, fun folks are Friends of Ricki. Yep, Ricki Lake. And she’s coming back to daytime television September 10, 2012. We spent a few days in LA for the first two shows of what is certain to be the first of its kind in social television.

For the past year, Team Ricki has built a community of social followers across the likes of Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and UStream called “Friends of Ricki.” So before the show even debuts on FOX in September, the conversations, support, ideas, and collaborations have long blossomed. Gone are the days of “don’t-you-know-who-I-think-I-am-television.” For Ricki, this return to television came about because she wanted to see great television. And that meant ego-less, conversation about what matters. It meant putting together a team of phenomenal talent who understood the importance of listening across all platforms, working hard, and playing to their individual strengths. Clearly, judging by our visits with the Friends of Ricki, the producers, the social media coordinators, and more, they are already doing things right. There’s much more to come on this front, so….

Here’s your assignment:

  • Step One- Click Like.  Then Follow @friendsofricki
  • Step Two: Join the conversation. We all can’t wait to get to know you, and you’ll be in the know about all things Ricki.
  • Step Three: Tune in this fall.  You might see some folks you know!

Welcome to all that is awesome with Social TV.   ~Aly and Andrea

PS- Connect with us, too, on our new Fanpage and on Twitter.  See y’all there!

 


Filed Under: Self Improvement, TV and Media Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

How to Stay Motivated

July 19, 2012 by 2 Comments

It might be the number one question we are asked. “How do I stay motivated when I have all this bad stuff happening?” Its code for:

“How do I get happy when everything is crappy?”

One of the most difficult things about obstacles in your life is that they are often have the appearance of being endless. They are not.

But the great thing about challenge- even crisis- is that it unabashedly shows you what you are made of. Our pastor taught us that it shows you what you really believe in faithfully. And it will force you to focus on what really matters in this moment if you want to move out of it.  You’ll hear us often talk about defining your “Why” in life. If you truly want to “stay motivated” amidst daily challenge, chaos, or crisis, you cannot disown your path on the way to your Why.

We’re simplifying and breaking down the steps for you here:

1. Acknowledge where you’ve been. Your past is what lead you here, so there are lessons there. If you don’t like where you are now, it will be important for you to shift behaviors in order to not come back to this place you don’t like. And remember, its always more powerful to move toward what you want instead of away from what you don’t.

2. Acknowledge where you are right now.  If you are waiting for your circumstances to change, consider that your circumstances exist until you are open to changing yourself. The challenges do not exist simply to pain you. They exist so you can grow.  Key here is to unplug yourself from any hope that the circumstance will change, and instead seek how you can grow.

This is not a task in “putting on a happy face.” Nor “putting your  nose to the grindstone.”  Its a task in relinquishing control over the things we cannot control, and purposefully owning what we can. Which brings us to…

3. Own where you’ll be.  Your success should never be a surprise to you. Your destination should never be a guess. When was the last time you got on a plane with non-stop service to somewhere-but-you’ll-find-out-when-we-land? Exactly.  Know where you are going (not where you hope to go) and chose how you will use your existing challenge to get there. Faithfully own that you are intended for nothing less than incredibleness. And know without a doubt that this challenge will prepare you for that greatness far more than the victories in your life.

This crisis will pass one day, and the question will be… How did this make you a wiser person? A more compassionate person? A more open or willing person? A more successful person.

Sending hugs to you,

Aly & Andrea

 

 

Filed Under: Aly and Andrea: Mentoring Women in Business, Personal Development Series, Self Improvement Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Turn Victim into Victorious

June 22, 2012 by Leave a Comment

You are not a victim. The word itself is defined as “something or someone harmed by an act or circumstance.”  The word is one of our least favorite words in the English language because it implies such helplessness.  In the case of a violent crime victim, for example, the very idea puts our stomach in knots because it is innocent helplessness.  For the purposes of our discussion, however, we mean to say that we must chose to never be a victim after the experience cards have been dealt.  This is never to deny a crisis or trauma, and its never to minimize the experiences you have been a part of. It is simply to acknowledge them and use them as a tool that shapes you. We must always seek the lessons.  We must always seek to learn and eventually overcome.

If you are struggling with a challenge or crisis right now, we want to be clear.  We’re not saying it doesn’t suck. We’re not saying you can’t or shouldn’t grieve. We’re not even saying you can’t be mad. Those feelings are yours and you get to decide what they feel like to you without any judgement. We are also not saying its fair. But what we are saying is this: what will you do now to move forward, even if you don’t yet know all the right steps? Even if you can’t see 2 feet in front of you.

Someone will be the first in their family to attend college, against all odds.  Someone will be the first in the family to live without welfare, against all odds.   Someone will be the first in the family to overcome a handicap, or tragedy, or crisis, against all odds.  And by purposeful choice.

Turning your victim to victory starts with acknowledging the challenge. Then, move to take ownership of your personal feelings and responses.  Do not let others tell you how you should “feel about it.”  Next, seek what this circumstance can teach you. There is always, always, always a lesson or twelve here. But you will need to seek it or you’ll be too close to the challenge to see it. Sometimes the lessons are simply to know what not to do. And sometimes they are simply to put you into a place of compassion for a relationship that will exist for you down the road.  That is, you may not “see” the lesson right away, and that’s ok.  Lastly, to turn your victim into victory, you will want to employ those lessons, turn on your faith, and leverage your strength that is tied to your “why,” to press on. If you can’t yet believe in yourself to do that, know that we already do. If you can’t imagine pressing on, know that you are uniquely created for incredible things and baby steps are ok right now. If you feel alone, know that you are not. We’re right here just quietly and lovingly waiting for you to open your eyes;).

How do you know when you have actually become victorious over your circumstance? You’ll know. It will be the day when your pain and fear of what’s going on turn into gratitude for what you’ve learned and hope for what’s ahead.

Holding your hand….

 

Filed Under: Personal Development Series, Self Improvement Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Letter

June 13, 2012 by 3 Comments

Dear Incredible You,

Yes, you. The one reading this. We are just stopping by to remind you how beautiful you are. No matter what circumstances exist, and no matter what others say, you are beyond beautiful. Your imperfections and the times you failed are what make you that way. See, your imperfections are the things that make your natural gifts and talents stand out. They are what make you uniquely you.  The times you failed are the challenges that keep making you smarter with time. Your wisdom astonishes us every day because it keeps us growing.

Remember that time you were betrayed? That has made you more loyal.

Remember that time they made fun of you? You opted to lift others up.

Remember that time your family doubted you? You are now equipped to prove them wrong, simply because you were willing to believe in yourself first.

Remember that time when you doubted you? Thank you for finally letting me be the first one.

Remember that time when you failed, and were flat on your back? The only place you could look was up.

Remember that time when you had so much to learn? You taught.

Remember when you felt like you could no longer move forward? Thank you for going back to why you took the first step. Thank you for faithfully pressing on. Thank you for seeking the lessons in all of those challenges. Thank you for continuing to make your mark on this world, and thank you….for being beautiful you.

With overflowing love and gratitude,

 

 

 

PS- If this letter is meaningful to you, you may be served greatly in one of our coaching programs. Click here for the most affordable way to get on track with you initial consultation session.

Filed Under: Personal Development Series, Self Improvement Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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