You are not a victim. The word itself is defined as “something or someone harmed by an act or circumstance.” The word is one of our least favorite words in the English language because it implies such helplessness. In the case of a violent crime victim, for example, the very idea puts our stomach in knots because it is innocent helplessness. For the purposes of our discussion, however, we mean to say that we must chose to never be a victim after the experience cards have been dealt. This is never to deny a crisis or trauma, and its never to minimize the experiences you have been a part of. It is simply to acknowledge them and use them as a tool that shapes you. We must always seek the lessons. We must always seek to learn and eventually overcome.
If you are struggling with a challenge or crisis right now, we want to be clear. We’re not saying it doesn’t suck. We’re not saying you can’t or shouldn’t grieve. We’re not even saying you can’t be mad. Those feelings are yours and you get to decide what they feel like to you without any judgement. We are also not saying its fair. But what we are saying is this: what will you do now to move forward, even if you don’t yet know all the right steps? Even if you can’t see 2 feet in front of you.
Someone will be the first in their family to attend college, against all odds. Someone will be the first in the family to live without welfare, against all odds. Someone will be the first in the family to overcome a handicap, or tragedy, or crisis, against all odds. And by purposeful choice.
Turning your victim to victory starts with acknowledging the challenge. Then, move to take ownership of your personal feelings and responses. Do not let others tell you how you should “feel about it.” Next, seek what this circumstance can teach you. There is always, always, always a lesson or twelve here. But you will need to seek it or you’ll be too close to the challenge to see it. Sometimes the lessons are simply to know what not to do. And sometimes they are simply to put you into a place of compassion for a relationship that will exist for you down the road. That is, you may not “see” the lesson right away, and that’s ok. Lastly, to turn your victim into victory, you will want to employ those lessons, turn on your faith, and leverage your strength that is tied to your “why,” to press on. If you can’t yet believe in yourself to do that, know that we already do. If you can’t imagine pressing on, know that you are uniquely created for incredible things and baby steps are ok right now. If you feel alone, know that you are not. We’re right here just quietly and lovingly waiting for you to open your eyes;).
How do you know when you have actually become victorious over your circumstance? You’ll know. It will be the day when your pain and fear of what’s going on turn into gratitude for what you’ve learned and hope for what’s ahead.
Holding your hand….